I can just imagine what a celebration birthdays are in heaven! There will be a huge cake, the angels will be singing, oh and there will be lots of presents.
Today as I sat by your grave, missing you, wishing I could hold your hand, say I love you, I also reminiss in the good times that we shared. I remember the love that grew day after day, year after year. I remember the summer days when we had a house full of kids, they helped make our house a loving home. The house almost felt empty when they would have to go. I remember the laughter, the tears, the joy and the pain.
We shared what seems like a lifetime and all of a sudden our lives changed and you were no longer here to pick me up when I was down, to tell me everything is gonna be ok. All of a sudden I had to make decisions that a wife wishes she never had to make. I gave you every opportunity to fight that I could. The doctors and nurses worked tirelessly to take care of you and make you comfortable. My heart broke seeing you lie there unconcious knowing that I may never get to hear your voice again. I prayed, begged God to heal you and renew your body and make you whole again. That was not God’s plan though, he knew that you were tired and you needed rest.
God used that time that you were resting to prepare me for the unthinkable. God gave me strength, a strength like no other. God allowed me to see spiritually that he was in control. I called Aunt Shirley and asked her to pray with all her might and God says “Why aren’t you praying with all your might.” So off to the chapel mom and I went. While my mom and I were in the chapel praying God spoke through me, praying for things that I would never have known to pray for.I fought with all my heart, soul and might against a force that I still cannot comprehend. I fought the Devil for your soul. Everyday I prayed, claiming a healing, claiming a victory. My mom and I grew so much spiritually during this time. We prayed with other families and they prayed with us. God sent angels to pray with us, to cover us with his love, strength and mercy. We sure needed them too. So one day the doctor tells me that they don’t see any signs of the cancer and that you may survive. He said hope for the best, expect the worst….he said never give up. When I met with the critical care doctor he says that you only had about a 10% chance of survival. I told him that you were a fighter, that you were strong minded and that I was not going to give up on you. They said that they admired my love and dedication for you.
Well that night in the chapel when I raised my hands to thank God for you still being here and the blessings I saw the words flash before me “I will hide you in my pavillion”. You see we had been reading the Psalms and that was one of the verses. I was so excited, I told my mom that something was going to happen, that you were going to wake up. Well it was not actually what I had so desperately hoped for….you started bleeding internally and they could not stop it. You lost your fight, I lost a husband, the children lost their Parrain, Brittany lost her Dad, your mom and dad lost a son and your sisters and brothers lost a brother, a friend. That night our lives were forever changed as you left us to go on to your heavenly home. You took a piece of each of us with you, a piece that we will never get back. There is an emptiness, a void…. Now I will have to go on alone, holding on to the promise that one day I will see you again.
It has been 8 years since you left us, it has gotten easier but, there are still some days that are tough. I miss you, I hope you had a grand birthday celebration in heaven today. Hug our babies for me, tell them I love them more than words can say, I long to hold them, to hear their voice….one day Lord one day.
Happy Birthday my darling, Happy Birthday