All I have is a thousand memories to carry me through a lifetime without you….

the soul withers

Twenty six years….wow, I can’t believe it’s been that long since I was a giddy school girl getting asked to go steady with the guy next door.

I was dating a chovanistic pig, who was putting down my friend and telling me that I could not eat a donut because I would gain weight.  I let him know right then that he wasn’t going to tell me what I could & couldn’t eat…. but when he started talking about my friend I drew the line….  I had made up my mind to break it off with him and your sister overheard the conversation.  She told me that you liked me, I was like NO??  Really??  I mean I had never thought of you that way, we were friends, we cut up, we ran around stinging each other with rubberbands….that’s all I could think when she told me that.  Then I thought HMMMM….he likes me, really me?? So my friend and I just had to find out, I was so nervous….Later that night we were on our way to pick you and a friend up so when we got back to the trailer our plan was put into motion.  She talked to your friend and asked him if he knew you liked me…he said Naaa but, I’ll find out.  Well it was a bit hillarious because he was drunk,  so he came back and told us yeah he likes her.  My heart skipped a beat so we were standing in the hall by the back room and you were in the back room waiting for your friend to come back—feeling awkward I’m guessing.   Well when you had the courage to walk out of the room you approached me saying “Come see”  I thought you had said Excuse me, so I moved but, when you put your arm around me I knew  I was done for.  I started with tears running down my face, asking myself what are you doing??  Are you crazy??  Oh you are going to be in so much trouble….  I had all these things going through my mind and then you asked…. do you want to go to church together tomorrow and I said yeah sure.  So I had to go break someone else’s heart in the morning……  I knew that it was the right choice, I was getting very uncomfortable around this other guy and I knew you, I trusted you and NOW I loved you.  Well no one else understood my choice, my family gave me LOTS of grief about it, some even told me that I’d never find another to love me as much as HE did.  I knew that I had found someone that loved me more that he ever could, they came to realize that later too.  🙂   On October 7, 1989 we stood on the porch and you gave me your graduation ring to wear and asked me to be your girl.  I was so happy, ofcourse I said YES!  We knew that it would not be an easy road because of your illness but, we were willing to make a go of it.  We were young, in love and ready to conquer the world.  My parents did not understand what I was going through and it made things very difficult.  I had to make some very tough choices back then.   I was still in high school and you made it clear that you wanted me to finish and graduate so I did.  I did not do it alone though, I had the help of family & friends supporting me and guiding me where I needed to be.

I tell you we had our good times and our tough times but, I don’t regret one second of my life that I’ve spent with you and now that you are gone I cherish each memory that I have with you.  I miss you each day but, I’ve learned to live without you and God has blessed me with an amazing support system, including a loving husband who never questions my tears for you.  I admire him for that, he respects your memory.  I think God hand picked him for me because he knew that I would need special love and support.

Anyways, I wanted to write to you today and let you know that I was thinking about you today.  It’s been 26 years ago today that you changed my life by asking me to be your girl.  I was honored to be your girlfriend, your wife and now your widow.  You were a loving husband and I know that you are watching over me now, making sure that I’m alright.  And I am alright, don’t get me wrong it’s a bit emotional but, I’m alright.  I know that you are not suffering anymore, you are spoiling our babies rotten and dancing with the angels.  So fly high my angel, all my love…..till we meet again

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